74. Travel Business

Before the do-it-yourself age of the internet, travel agencies were the common way to find help planning your trips. I had a brief career in the travel business. Mercifully brief. Out of the blue I decided to go to school and become a travel agent. I could memorize the three-letter codes of all the world’s airports and ace the test on reservation procedures, but I found out I was not suited to the actual job at all, and was greatly relieved when my boss came to the same realization.

Maybe I was taking a break from being the creative artist and craftsman. I liked travel and knew a few things about places in the world. I thought it would be fun to help people get on their way to a great vacation. I had the naïve idea that an agent was a public servant, like a librarian, happy to point people in the right direction and help them find what they need. Well, yes, that could be an aspect of a well-run business. Must be I daydreamed through the part of travel school where they made it clear that it’s all about sales commissions, and if an agent isn’t up-selling he’s not reaching earnings potential. It’s not enough to hand your client the airplane ticket and wish him a good trip. Did you ask if he would like you to arrange a hotel reservation or car rental? Agencies earned a nice commission on travel insurance, so you always wanted to suggest all the reasons that would be a wise choice. Always hand a couple of resort or cruise brochures to take home to the family. Psych your clientele—some people think they don’t merit anything above budget class, but you may be able to help them realize they’ll feel better if they splurge. And, most of all, remember that your agency has preferred vendor relations with certain tour operators, car rentals and cruise lines, so do try to get that bigger commission by steering your clients to the “smart” choices.

I had no sales ability at all, not even a single gene of it. For example, I had a young couple come in and ask if I could arrange an extended tour of Southeast Asia and the South Pacific. They were adventurers, decidedly not just pleasure seekers. They were going off the path as much as possible, backpacking, renting motor scooters, hiring rickshaws and tuk-tuks, sleeping in hostels. Besides flights, they asked if I could gather up some sightseeing information. First off though, I needed to tackle their complex string of flights and connections, including puddle-jumpers and local airlines.  I was having fun, but my boss glared at me for spending so much time with them for such a small commission.  I did the best I could with their weird flights but said they’d have to do their own research on their sightseeing. Sorry, there wasn’t anything more I could help them with. They were miffed and left with their airplane tickets. More on them in a minute.

Another time, a man came in the office and asked if I could help coordinate air and hotel reservations for his family reunion. 10 families from 5 different parts of the country to go to Disneyland. They wanted to arrive close to the same time so they could greet at the airport, then go to three different hotels, depending on their budgets. The travel all worked out, surprisingly, but they had a nightmare of problems keeping track of each other and all the kids for planned activities and meals.  He complained about that to the boss and I got berated for doing a poor job. 

In fact, I had two bosses, partners in the business. One was coolly cordial, and could really be kind of cruel. I called her the Gestapo. The other had volcanic moods. Sometimes very sweet but with a hint of impending danger—like a volcano. Then she’d get a bug in her bonnet and start to tremble like she was going to blow her top. Instead of blowing, she became unable to speak and kept trembling and stifling her eruption until she could resume her sweet composure. I called her the Vibrator.

A perk of working for a travel agency is the likelihood your boss will allow you time off to travel to some of the places you’re supposed to be selling. Many tour operators and hotel chains offered familiarization tours, “fams,” for free or low cost. I was able to go on two fams, to Hawaii and Los Cabos, Mexico. Of course, these are not relaxing vacations but busy days of inspection hotel amenities and sampling a couple of the package extras, like the luau or snorkeling lesson you can add to your Hawaii tour.

With the fam group of 20 or so, on free evenings, I might ask if anyone wanted to walk into town to see the marketplace or explore the old town. But the groups I was with on those trips were entirely interested in finding the loudest bars. I was the old-timer of the bunch.

We were paired up for overnight condo accommodations. I didn’t get along with my roommate for the Hawaii trip. He was a little cranky until he had a few drinks. Then he became a lot crankier. After one exhausting day of looking at resorts around Oahu, we were sprawled out in our living room, and he surprised me by opening up and divulging something.

“I think my wife is stepping out on me,” he said with clenched teeth.

I replied “That’s awful!”  I wasn’t sure if he wanted to go further.

His anger began to boil. “Yeah. She’s a travel agent too. Thing is, I think she’s doing it with someone in the business.” He poured a glass of the last of his bottle of Jack Daniels. “In fact, I think it’s with a guy who looks a lot like you,” and he pointed his finger like a pistol at my head. “Are you doing it with my wife?”

“What? Me? Hell no, of course not. You’re joshing with me, right?”

“I don’t know, man, I’m too drunk to think.” And he opened another bottle. He slumped and sobbed, then sat straight up and raised his voice at me, “But shit, man, you know, I think it is you with my wife. Why would she do this? And why would you take my wife away from me?” He was slurring out more angry words about vain guys like me who think they can swoop in and seduce anybody they want. I couldn’t tell how insane this was going to get, but I went to the kitchen and hid the cutlery except for the knife I lay awake with most of the night.  

Next morning, the guy acted normal and sociable, and said it was too bad the trip was over, we should’ve rented mopeds and go out see Diamond Head. Bizarre. I was the first person in line to board the bus to the airport.

Next morning back to work at the agency, my boss met me at the door and said we needed to step out for coffee. Apparently those two Southeast Asia-Pacific Island travelers turned out to be department heads at Microsoft. They bad-mouthed our agency among their co-workers and squashed any hope of us scoring a corporate account with Microsoft. Somehow, I was blamed for that and other things, and got fired on the spot.

I whistled “Singin’ in the Rain” as I danced with my umbrella over to my car, such a glorious feeling of release!  I had never known what joy could be gained from such total rejection! Getting fired from that job was so much more fulfilling than just quitting!

AFTERWORDS
About two years later, no big surprise, I heard that the agency filed for bankruptcy and shut down. And a while after that, as people tended to do it all themselves online, travel agencies in general began to disappear. What you may miss now is a personal contact with someone who understands your tastes and knows their business. While we wait for AI to take over our lives, we can fumble our way around with online travel brokers like Expedia and Trip Advisor.  I wish you all Bon Voyage!